A progressing and life-threatening illness is discovered. what's the next?

When a family member is diagnosed with an incurable condition, everything changes. What to expect? How to manage your own and the ill person’s emotions, and how to reconstruct your world?

Accepting that something serious is happening and that you must overcome it

It’s a watershed moment for everyone when your loved one gets to know that he/she has a severe and life-threatening illness. It may take a long (or short) time, as well as a lot of effort, to come to terms with what is going on. Shock, a sense of change, the pain of loss, uncertainty, anxiety, fear, and hope are all common sentiments experienced by all participants in the process. As a caretaker, you may feel as if time has stopped and some priorities are shifting. Life and death take on new meanings and what you once took for granted will never be the same again.

What to expect?

The realization that death is approaching can affect every part of one’s life. Shock, numbness, bewilderment, terror, a sense of powerlessness, and hopelessness are common reactions. It becomes vital to understand not only the current condition of loss and change but also many previous similar experiences, as well as to consider the future. Family roles, control over life events, body image, sexual feelings, financial changes, and future goals and dreams are all possible topics for reflection.

Fears linked with changes in appearance, the final days of life, death, possible uncontrollable symptoms, and pain and suffering, in general, may become more intense.

You may feel like you’re on a roller coaster as a result of the mixed and fluctuating feelings. The illness may cause you to believe that others do not value the problem as much as you do and do not comprehend it in the same manner that you do.

Anger, sadness, remorse, and reproaches are all keenly felt: it’s as if you’re being covered with your head.

You may occasionally question, “Why did this happen to us?”

These emotions can last for a long time or shift with each passing day or hour. As the condition progresses, every change and loss can be cruelly sensed (as grief), and you may believe that it’s all just a dream that will stop soon.

Remember: it’s a normal reaction

Each person’s reaction to bad news, changes, loss, and grief is unique, evolving according to its own set of rules and in its own time. There may not be any certain or quick solutions to assist you, but constantly keep in mind that someone or something can help you.

How to deal with emotions and help your loved ones to do so

First of all, you need to pay attention to how your loved one is feeling and work on your own emotions. You could, for example, keep a diary. You need to be as honest and transparent as possible, especially if you or a loved one is going through a difficult time.

Every person, sick or well, requires compassion, respect, understanding, and honesty. Respect the sick person’s personal boundaries and allow him to participate as much as possible in decisions about his care and activities during the day.

It’s really effective to share your aspirations, feelings, and thoughts. It may be enjoyable for both of you, and it will also help you comprehend and recognize what is most essential right now and how to better support one another.

Take advantage of the good days and the time you have together. Reminisce about your life together, both happy and sad times.

Don’t forget to include your loved one in family events whenever it is possible. Talk, listen to music, watch TV, play cards or board games with him/her.

What they lack the most is the feeling of a normal life. Try to share your thoughts and feelings, as well as your laughter and sorrow. so that they feel they are there with you and live like a normal person.

You may need some help, too

Don’t forget that you’re important as well. The disease as it progresses may result in difficulties in the behavior of a patient. He may feel anxious, tense, irritability and despondency. Sometimes he/she may take you with them to mood swings. They mainly feel like they are a burden in the life of their relatives and sometimes even think of suicide.

As a result, you may feel like you are exhausted and distracted. In this situation, the main feeling will be not knowing what’s next and that makes you worry about how you are coping with the situation now and how you will cope with it in the future.

Hence, it may be effective and is even obligatory to speak with psychologists and try to let your feelings out.

Whenever you feel helpless and tired, it’s better to contact specialists and hospices to take care of your loved ones. Don’t feel guilty as sometimes your tired and irritated status may affect them more than hiring someone to help you.

Conclusion

The incurable disease has become a widespread problem and needs a special approach both mentally and physically. Never underestimate mental health and try firstly to accept the situation and next find a solution on how to deal with it.

Whenever you take the responsibility to take care of your loved ones, don’t forget you need help also. Hand on hand, you need to overcome the whole situation. It’s not easy but it’s at least possible.

On a note

If you see that your loved one is depressed, do not tell him: “Don’t be sad!”. Sometimes the anxiety in this case only increases, and your loved one closes in on himself.